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How To… Become a Goth in seven easy steps!

  1. Throw out all non-black clothing to accentuate the feeling of nelancholy in your life. ‘Cos, like, there is no happiness, maaaan.
  2. Buy a white anti-poverty wristband and attack it with a black marker, out of spite. Thereby sticking it to The Man.
  3. Take a fancy to wearing eye shadow, regardless of your gender.
  4. Listen to nothing but David Bowie from around the Ziggy Stardust era, Elliot Smith, and as much generic death metal as you can. They felt the paaaain, dude.
  5. Hang around Central Bank outside of its opening hours. You might want to get hold of a slightly tattered skateboard to fit in here.
  6. Wear some chains: some to keep hold of the only worldly possessions worth keeping (probably your iPod and wallet), and some for stupid reasons like symmetry. To be asymmetrical is to be conformist, maaaan.
  7. Wear hoods whenever possible and only voluntarily take them down in the bottom floor of Bruxelle;s.
  8. Seven steps? Like, yeah, dude. I don’t have to, like, keep to your guidelines, maaaan. Stick it to you, you conformist.