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How To… Blag your way backstage at the Ball

  1. If you’re a guy, get a pair of classic black shades to go with your tux and approach the front of the stage, claiming to be Damien Dempsey’s personal minder. Try finding a clear plastic tube and shove it between your back and right ear to create the illusion of an earpiece.
  2. Befriend/kidnap a pizza delivery boy, borrow their uniform, retrieve an empty pizza box and tell the bouncers you have a large pepperoni for “a Doctor Anthony Kelly”.
  3. Tell the bouncers that you actually are Damien Dempsey. (Who remembers what he really looks like?)
  4. Secure a trolley and a large cylinder of helium, and tell the security men that the cylinder is merely Bell X1’s communal asthma inhaler.
  5. Use the old classic blagging line. “Don’t you know who I am? I’m James Carroll!” Sixty percent of the time it works every time.
  6. Finally, if all else fails… win a Pulitzer (go on, it can’t be that hard), join The University Observer and try to blag a press pass from them. Warning: no sane people need apply.